The Land of Fire and Ice, Puffins and... Hotdogs?

Iceland has always been on my list of countries to visit. Those who know my husband and I know we are avid travellers.  When I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I wasn't sure whether I could travel abroad again. Am I healthy enough? What do we do in an emergency? What about health care insurance abroad? More importantly, how is my stomach going to cope?? But with the help of modern medicine (Iressa!), a more laid back travel pace, a good health plan, a bottle of Imodium and some determination, we just returned from a fabulous trip to Iceland!  

For those of you who want the details of the trip, please read on. Especially if you are interested in visiting Iceland yourself, which I highly recommend. But if you are short on time and are a picture-oriented reader, scroll down to enjoy the photos :). 

Iceland is a country full of not just "ice", as many people seem to believe, but volcanoes, glaciers, geysers, hot springs, waterfalls, hillside green pastures, fjords and picturesque Scandinavian villages.  Iceland has a total population of 320,000 with two-thirds living in its capital, Reykjavik.  The currency is the Icelandic Kronur (ISK); 100 ISK is equivalent to $1 CAD. The official language is Icelandic but everyone speaks fluent English, fortunately. I can usually pick up languages fairly easily but I couldn't even pronounce the names of most towns here!  In early June, we enjoyed about 22 hours of daylight and temperatures varied around 12-20 degrees Celsius, depending on what part of the country we were in. I even came back with a slight tan! Glacial water comes out of the faucets and water is heated geothermally. How awesome is that?! The livestock (an overabundance of sheep) were seen grazing grass all day along the countryside. Restaurants proudly serve locally raised meats, and locally caught wild fish and seafood. I actually felt safe trying a little meat here. We explored the country by driving along the Ring Road. The interior highlands require off road vehicles, especially for glaciers and river crossings. Our little Chevy Spark had a hard enough time maneuvering through "safe", narrow gravel roads on some excursions so we didn't venture off into the "F Roads".

The Capital:

Hallgrimskirkja

Reykjavik is about 45 minutes drive from Keflavik Airport. Hallgrimskirkja, the landmark Lutheran church in the centre of downtown Reykjavik, gave us a panoramic view of this quaint, colourful city as seen from the church tower. The streets fanning from Hallgrimskirkja has many restaurants, cafes, shops and tourist centres. Notable food stops (I am still a foodie despite my drastic diet change) include: Cafe Loki (authentic light Icelandic dishes but quite pricey, although that was the norm in Iceland), The Noodle Station (the best pho noodle soup ever!!), and Babalu Cafe (desserts and beverages, a sunny back patio to enjoy it, and a funky Star Wars themed bathroom). There are quite a few authentic Icelandic restaurants on the main strip but we never had a chance to try them. Cured shark, reindeer, lamb, whale, horse and various local birds and fish were often seen on the menus. Interestingly enough, the Icelandics love their hotdogs!  Apparently they make the best in all of Europe, must be the garnishes. Yes, we tried it and it was actually good! There's a seawall along the harbour that goes for miles but be prepared to be blown away, literally.

Enjoying the Icelandic Hotdog!

Downtown Reykjavik

The biggest attraction, about 45 minutes southeast of Reykjavik, is the Golden Circle, a circular drive that takes you into Thingvellir National Park, including Pingvellir (a 7km stretch of land that separates the North American and European tectonic plates and also where the world's first parliament was established in 930 AD), Geysir (one of many geysers to see) and Gulfoss (a beautiful, massive waterfall).  No notable food stops here though :(. 

Pingvellir

Gulfoss

North Iceland:

Along the way to Akureyri, we took a gravel road detour, 1/2h drive on Road #711, to find Hvitserkur, a coastal rock formation that looked like a grazing buffalo, in my opinion.  It was worth a look and a refreshing way to break up the journey. We spent 2 days in Akureyri in the north which is Iceland's second largest city, population 18000. It also has a good number of great restaurants all within walking distance (Rub 23, Noa, Bautinn and Peng's). Interestingly enough, we had the warmest and sunniest weather here. From Akureyri, it was an hour's drive to the Mynvatn region or what I like to call the Hot Zone.  We visited Dimmuborgir (lava rock pillars, but beware of swarming flies and trolls! And they only come out in December, the trolls that is), Viti Crater (lake filled volcanic crater), Namafjall Hverir (bubbling mud pots and steaming fumaroles), and the Nature Baths of Jardbodin (so relaxing after a long day!). 
 

Hvitserkur

Dimmuborgir

 

Hverir

Jardbodin Nature Baths

East Fjords:

It was a long drive from Akureyri to our accommodation in the east fjords, Stodvarfjordur, although the scenery was amazingly diverse.  Godafoss waterfalls is about 45 minutes from Akureyri and worth a short hike to see, even if we had already seen over a dozen roadside waterfalls by this time. Egilsstadir was a perfect stopover for a late lunch. In fact, this is where we should have based ourselves since Egilsstadir was a hub for many touristy places like Seydisfjordur and Skalanes, and Borgafjordur Eystri, and it had a number of great restaurants, like Guesthouse Egilsstadir, Cafe Nielsen and Salt.  The east fjords were all about finding puffins! At least it was for me. Poor S was just tagging along. Borgafjordur Eystri is a small green peninsula, a breeding ground for many seabirds including puffins, but the route there was a long narrow gravel road through a winding mountain pass. At times it was scary! But was totally worth the effort once we saw how beautiful the area is.  There were magnificent views of the harbour and dozens of puffins, kitiwakes and other seabirds and waterfowl (binoculars essential). Skalanes, a 1/2 h bumpy drive plus a 1.5h hike from Seydisfjordur, is also a good place to find puffins, although in smaller numbers. One caveat: As you approach Skalanes (a house and cafe), you trespass through a colony of arctic terns that will not hesitate to attack you (just like in The Birds!! NOT fun). Poor S got pecked in the head several times, which eventually resulted in a few cuts. One of the girls residing in Skalanes advised us to carry a stick above our heads to deter the birds. Happy to report that it does work! After that traumatic experience, we celebrated our survival with dinner at Hotel Aldan (minke whale sashimi, chickpea pattie and locally raised lamb... Yum! But I couldn't try the lamb... Saw too many of those cute little guys playing in the countryside. S enjoyed it though). 

Godafoss

The drive to Borgafjordur

The many sheep along the roadside.  Nice of the farmers to let them keep their pants :)

The panoramic view from Borgafjordur Eystri

The hike to Skalanes, BEFORE the arctic terns

Cute little puffin at Skalanes

South Iceland:

The southern east fjords was foggy and extremely windy but, again, so scenic!  The small town of Hofn is well known for its langoustine (or Norwegian lobster, which is a smaller version of Atlantic lobster). Here, we devoured delicious grilled langoustine and tasty skyr cake (Iceland's version of cheesecake but much lighter and less sweet) at Pakkus. Only an hour's drive away from Hofn is Jokulsarlon (Iceberg Lagoon), a definite stopover for easy photo masterpieces of icebergs and glaciers. By the time we arrived at our guesthouse near Vik, we were exhausted. We decided to take it easy for the last two days of our trip.  We slept in, had lunch in Vik and took a slow but challenging hike in Dyrholaey where you can see multiple coastal rock formations, and more puffins!  A short drive away from here is Skogafoss, a tall waterfall that was the trailhead to one of South Iceland's many glaciers, but it takes more than 20km to get there; otherwise, we would have hiked it (maybe next time).  Our final Icelandic supper was at Hotel Skogar Restaurant, 1 minute away from Skogafoss; they make a great apple pie!

Our last day in Iceland was spent driving 3 hours to Keflavik airport with a stopover at Kaffi Krus, known for their burgers and pizza, in Selfoss for one final delicious meal in Iceland (sigh). 

It was a fantastic trip of great scenery, new experiences (I also learned how to drive a manual transmission car finally), good health, and, of course, awesome food! S and I were able to forget about cancer and simply enjoy our time together :). Iceland is one of the most beautiful, friendly and clean countries I have ever visited.  We would not hesitate to go back. I am so grateful that I was physically able to enjoy another great trip with S and add one more country to my list of places I have been.

Langoustine lunch at Pakkus in Hofn

Jokulsarlon

Dyrholaey

Skogafoss

5 Month Health Update

It's that time again! More blood tests, CT scans and the follow up visit with Dr. B. The usual scenarios we needed to prepare for are: more tumour shrinkage, no change, or progression. The problem with some cancer drugs is the cancer cells will eventually figure out a way around them. For medications like Iressa, it averages about 8 months before drug resistance occurs, marked by tumour progression. I tried not to think about that but you can understand the anxiety I go through before each follow up. Scanxiety hit me hard this time, ie. restless nights, doubts and fears. May was a busy month so I noticed I was more fatigued than usual too. I kept reassuring myself and S that I still felt "healthy" and I am still quite active.... But you never know. But there is always HOPE; fact is, some patients remain on first line targeted drug therapy for years. As usual, we have to prepare ourselves for the worst but hope for the best.  Before the appointment (it seemed to take for ever to arrive!), we tried to take our minds off the upcoming results by preoccupying ourselves with preparing for the arrival of our puppy* and planning the details of a much needed vacation.

The big day came on May 22nd, my almost 5 month follow up.  As Dr. B described it, the results  were "good".  What does that mean? Well, nothing really changed... Stable.  Nothing new and nothing grew. Not exactly what I was hoping for but it was "good" news.  So we continue on with Iressa and continue hoping for the best! Please keep sending positive thoughts and prayers this way! 

*Aside: We got to select our puppy from a litter of five super cute, tiny puppies yesterday! It was so difficult to decide. After an hour of playing and observing, we picked the "independent" one, or she could been anxious and antisocial... I guess we will find out! We pick her up in about 3 weeks. I have added some pictures of her and her siblings below. Enjoy :). 

With Much Love and Gratitude for Yeay

My grandmother (we called her "Yeay") passed away last night. She was 92 years old. It was not unexpected, but it still saddens me regardless.  Because we had a language barrier and then she had difficulty hearing, we couldn't communicate much--only hand gestures and smiles. But I loved, appreciated and respected her nonetheless. She was the only grandparent I knew; she outlived the others by almost 30 years. Most importantly, if it wasn't for her, my mother and aunt wouldn't be alive, nor my brothers, sisters and cousins, nor my nephews and nieces, nor I. Yeay gave us life. In fact, she continues to live in all of us. I inherited her hairline and her stubbornness (some see it as determination :). 

I will always remember how she smiled every time she saw me, and pulled me to her side or held my hand. She was a strong woman and always very kind to her grandchildren (9) and great-grand kids (10). She never asked anything from us but yet was so generous to us. She would always force money on me if she knew I was going away on a trip. I remember some of her favourite foods was Tim Horton's iced cappuccino and pizza; I tried to get her some whenever I could.  She is at peace now, free from any suffering or fear. It gives me comfort to know that she is reunited with her family, those who have gone before her. But her death also makes me think of my own mortality (more on that another time)...  it makes me so much more grateful for the life I was given, and the wonderful family that I have. 

But life, as does all things, will eventually come to an end. And this weekend, we will remember my grandmother's life.  With much love and gratitude Yeay, I wish you eternal peace.  Know that you made a difference, that you are loved and will be missed, and someday, hopefully many decades later, we will see each other again.  

Springtime News

Happy Earth Day! Yes, I lean toward environmentalism :). Reduce, reuse and recycle! We only have one beautiful Earth, let's all try to keep her that way. 

It finally feels like Spring here. The last bit of snow has finally melted, although we usually get a little bit more here until late May--gotta love the prairies! The green grass is peaking through the sea of brown lawns. The sun is shining... Or it was just a short time ago? I am dreaming of my flower garden and hoping for a small crop of vegetables to make it through this summer. As much as I enjoy living here, I sometimes wish we lived in the tropics instead.  Anyway, we've been lucky enough here to have a few days of warm weather. I finally went out for my first outdoor run a couple of weeks ago; and a few more since then. I'll admit I was a little nervous, not knowing how my body would cope. Treadmill running is nothing like outdoor running. I discovered a few things on that first outdoor run. One, there is a right way and a wrong way to breathe when running; I wish I knew this 20 years ago when I took up running! With controlled deep breathing, you can actually run longer with less fatigue and lactic acid buildup. Putting my new breathing technique into practice, I have noticed an improvement in endurance, comfort and recovery. Two, I have indeed sustained some nerve damage from the lung tumours and/or pleural effusion. After my run, I noticed only half of my face was red and hot. My left side (face, shoulder, arm, fingers) was cool and pale. Do I still have feeling on that side? Yes, thankfully. I will have to mention this to my oncologist when I see him next. It doesn't bother me, I just look a little odd for awhile after I run. Three, I am able to run a comfortable 3km outdoors, not as fast as in my prime running years but not bad considering the circumstances. I am working my way up to 5km so I can participate in the annual Mother's Day Run, as we usually do every year.

In other news, we had been waiting patiently to hear back from our Schnoodle (schnauzer+poodle) breeder; we signed up for a puppy in February! We just got word that our puppy was born on April 18th!! We will have to pick her out from a litter of five! I have asked the breeder to send pictures so those are coming. We have now switched from researching cancer to researching how to train a puppy! Hopefully our experience of fostering rescue dogs will come in handy. If everything works out according to the breeder's plans, we will be picking her up in June. We are so excited (and somewhat anxious) to finally add a family pet to our home! 

3 Month Health Update

It's been almost three months since my lung cancer journey started, when my world got turned upside down.  Despite feeling quite well and looking "normal", we spent the last few weeks researching my second line therapy options just in case the first follow up doesn't go well.  We looked into clinical trials. I became more accepting of the possibility of chemotherapy. I slowly started to purge the house in case we needed to move.  I wanted to be prepared for plan B... Whatever that may be.  

Last week, I had my follow up CT scan (chest, abdomen and head). I thought I could ignore the anxiety that comes after every follow up scan but no.  I think it will always affect me.  Instead, I decided to lose myself in the Divergent book series, although not sure if that was helpful to my mood; those who have read the trilogy will understand why.  I was too busy ranting about the ending to S to pay much attention to my scanxiety... So maybe it did help. 

Today, we met with my oncologist for the CT scan results. Phew. Good news! The largest tumour in the lower lobe of my left lung has shrunk by over 50%!!! Some of the smaller nodules elsewhere in/around my lung are now only 2-4mm or less. Some have even completely resolved! The thickening in the pleura has decreased substantially.  In addition, no new lesions were found... Other organs and brain still intact :). We were ecstatic to hear that Iressa and the changes we had made to diet, lifestyle and attitude was working.  A huge burden was lifted off our chests.  We couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces :).  On top of that, the clinical trial drug I was interested in, which I thought wasn't available in Canada yet, will be coming to our cancer centre and run by my oncologist! Although it's too early for me to decide, Dr. B even asked if I would be interested in speaking to a lung cancer group later this year. Wow, what a difference three months makes. S and I celebrated with a yummy vegetarian lunch and a peaceful stroll through our favourite park under gently falling snow.  

So my next follow up with the CT scan and oncologist is in two months.  In the meantime, I will continue with Iressa, continue imagining my tumours shrinking, continue enjoying my new life.  Another bonus, Iressa's first few side effects of diarrhea, acne, rash and dry skin have largely subsided.  Instead, I am now dealing with darker and longer eyelashes... Which is fantastic! Another late side effect is some hair thinning, which has not been an issue for me yet since I have a good mane of hair.  I'm just going to enjoy those lashes:).  Hope your day was awesome too! 

Cancer Etiquette

Cancer changes you. My career is on hold. Future plans have to be more carefully thought out.  My diet has completely changed. A lot of my free time is now focused on cancer. I live my life with uncertainty.  I have learned to accept all of the above. But what I wasn't ready to accept was the loss of my privacy.

I have always been a private person when it came to my health. Shortly after I was diagnosed, I informed my family, circle of friends and coworkers. I received an email, not long after sharing our news, from an old coworker-someone I had not spoken to in years. As much as I appreciated her kind words, I was upset because I knew the news must have spread through my small local professional community. That one situation was quickly rectified; I made it clear to this person that I did not want my news to go any further.  But realization set in; if she found out, my news was spreading from other sources too. Over several more weeks, we continued to hear from distant friends and acquaintances about my cancer diagnosis.  A friend requested permission to share my blog on Facebook.  I didn't really know how to feel. I understood that my friends needed to seek comfort from their friends and family, and share my story. I appreciated the well wishes from everyone, regardless of how they found out.  But was I ready to share my cancer diagnosis with the world?

As I continued to mourn the loss of my privacy, I came across a discussion thread about a woman whose sister-in-law decided to share her cancer news, while the woman was away, with their common commuters.  The woman returned to a train full of strangers asking how she was.  Another person wrote about a coworker who was absent; the rumour of cancer and dying spread through the staff room.  When the man returned, he was angry to hear his coworkers whispering behind his back despite recovering fully from an early stage cancer.  After reading so many more stories, I decided to write about "cancer etiquette".  This is from my perspective, from a cancer patient to anyone else touched by cancer. These are the lessons I learned from personal experience and/or reading and hearing about others:

1. Everyone is different when it comes to sharing cancer news. Some are very open.  Some only share with a few.  For those diagnosed with cancer, if you want your news kept secret, be sure friends and family know your preferences right away. For others, if someone shares a sensitive diagnosis, it's best to ask their permission and respect their decision about sharing the news.

2. If you are sharing news, share in the best interest of the person with cancer  (eg. someone who can help you or them, someone who could benefit like other cancer patients, etc). Do not share for the sake of gossip.  Make sure who you share with does not negatively impact this person (eg. professionally, socially, etc). 

3. Sometimes, I just want to be "normal". For every person who finds out (who I may encounter), I lose another opportunity to be a normal person. Not all of my colleagues or acquaintances need to know. 

4. I get tired of hearing "How are you?" (in that serious tone) especially if I just saw you, spoke to you or texted you yesterday.  If I look and sound happy and healthy, don't ask how I am. Don't pry for details. I will let you know if there is bad news. Hopefully, I don't have any more bad news to share.

5. Reach out to a friend with cancer only when you are ready.  Of course, we would eventually want to see or talk to you but only if we don't end up having to comfort you. 

6. If you heard about the cancer news from someone other than the person affected, don't pretend not to know. Be honest. Be brief. It reduces any awkwardness from both sides. 

7. Sometimes we want you to listen. Sometimes we just want to forget.  Unfortunately, it's not always easy to tell the difference. Do your best.

8. Cancer treatment has changed over the years. People expect to see a bald, frail person. New targeted drugs, like Iressa and even some chemo drugs, do not cause any noticeable changes in appearance.  Don't be surprised if you see a seemingly healthy person in front of you.

9. Never assume that someone with lung cancer is a smoker. 15-20% of lung cancer affects never smokers. More importantly, smoking does not make anyone deserving of cancer. But if you are a smoker, quit now! 

10. Don't see us for our disease. Do not make us ashamed of our disease.  Do not label us by our disease. Do not isolate us. Do not pity us. We are still the same person after cancer.

I did not write this to make anyone feel guilty so please do not feel guilty. I could have handled it better by clearly telling our friends, family and coworkers to limit my news at the start. That was my fault. I appreciate everything that everyone has done for us (thoughts, prayers, gifts, cards, food, kind words, etc) since this journey started... Thank you so much!

But everything happens for a reason. I have accepted the loss of my privacy because I am ready to be a lung cancer advocate and sharing my cancer journey is the first step to raising awareness. So, go ahead, share this blog and my lung cancer story.  But also add: 

• Anyone with lungs can have lung cancer; you don't have to be a smoker. 

• Lung cancer kills more people each year than breast, colon and prostate cancer combined, yet lung cancer research receives the least amount of funding. 

May we all become more aware of how cancer impacts those affected. May we do what we can to make a better life for everyone around us. Don't take life for granted. Cherish time with those you love because life is indeed short. 

Update July 2014:

Here is a great article on how to avoid saying the wrong things to anyone undergoing a traumatic event or illness. 

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html

Time Well Wasted and Coconuts

It's been an entertaining past few weeks for me. My younger brother is visiting and helping to fatten me up with his great homecooking despite my gluten-free, vegetarian (except for seafood), low dairy and low sugar diet :).  The Olympics have taken up the majority of my free time in the past two weeks and I enjoyed every minute of it! Yay Canada!!! 'Twas truly time well wasted and a great way to forget about cancer. Another great way to forget about cancer? YouTube. Laughter is the best medicine. One of my friends suggested I search YouTube for Jim Gaffigan. I spent that day watching this comedian joke about food, a favourite topic of mine, especially ones that I should definitely not eat... Hilarious! Eventually, as so frequently happens when you are on YouTube, I also discovered Celebrities Read Mean Tweets (apparently I am missing out). If you are in need of a good laugh and/or a pick-me-up, check it out. Thanks SK for getting me started :). 

The Iressa side effects of random diarrhea (yay), and terribly dry, scaly, cracking, itchy skin continue to bother me. Searching for new ways to cope with these continuing side effects, I discovered all the health benefits and uses of coconuts! Coconut water is a much better way to rehydrate than water or sugary sports drinks. Coconut oil is a healthy substitute for butter; makes stirfries taste terrific and adds a new dimension of flavour to gluten-free baked goods. Thanks to my massage therapist, coconut oil is also great for your skin! It has worked so much better than any lotion I have tried so far and I smell delicious! Virgin, unrefined organic coconut oil is a solid at room temperature; just scoop out a small amount and it will quickly liquefy in your hands. Even better, I use an all natural skin lotion first then seal with coconut oil. Warning: it does leave you greasy for awhile so best to use before bed. 

Despite these drug side effects, life has been good :).  Thank you Iressa!! I have noticed a significant improvement in my symptoms since I started gefitinib about 7 weeks ago. I am finally able to sleep through the night (it's been over a year!).  I can now walk further and faster. We went snowshoeing a week ago and, despite a fairly steep trail, I finished with energy to spare. I recently started running again; indoors only and just for short distances. And I can finally do a downward dog without pain... Yoga here I come! But a caveat: my trainer informed me that it's good if I feel energized after an exercise but it's not ok if I am exhausted after a workout; that means my body has been overworked and hence my immune system will be compromised. Hmmm... Being the self-competitive person that I am, I have to make an effort not to overdo it.  To be honest though, my shoulder pains have not yet completely resolved (why am I always in a rush to recover?) but it is much less bothersome now than a year ago and I am slowly getting back to doing the things I love. 

For Every Negative, There is a Positive

So S and I have assembled my cancer recovery team: medical oncologist and nurse, cancer clinic pharmacist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, life coach/trainer, lung cancer therapist and nutritional therapist.  Needless to say, my days are full. Most weeks I have 3-5 appointments and have to keep up my daily routine of proper nutrition, exercise, rest and catching up on emails/ texts/ calls. I am telling you all this so you won't worry if I take awhile to share new posts on my blog ;).

We met with the oncologist last week.  He reassured us that, based on the PET scan results, the cancer is contained within my left chest cavity; still a stage IV because it is also outside the lung but it has not metastasized anywhere else (brain, bones and other organs intact :). I am tolerating the Iressa well, despite some mild lingering side effects (acne and dry skin).  As long as I continue to feel well, Dr. B doesn't want to see me for another 2 months, which is when my next CT scan will be to determine how the tumours have changed.  In the meantime, I will continue imagining the tumours shrinking :). 

We met my Nutritional Therapist last week.  She's great. She confirmed what we thought all along: The cancer centre dietitian doesn't know what she's talking about.  For those of you wanting to improve your nutritional health, consider this. Don't follow Canada's food guide; there's a conflict of interest as to who are revising those guidelines (meat council, sugar council, dairy farmers, Kelloggs, Weston Bakery, etc). Gluten, sugar and dairy are drivers of inflammation. Avoid alcohol and caffeine.  Stay away from processed foods.  Instead eat whole foods; that is foods that are as close to their natural state as possible. Eat organic whenever possible. Drink plenty of pure water. Juicing (especially dark leafy greens and colorful vegetables) is a great way to boost your intake of nutrients.  The jury is still out on meats.  Our nutritionist says it's ok as long as it is organic, grass (not grain) fed and free range.  Books we have read say to stay away from meat altogether.  Most insightfully, she talked about developing a routine, eat slowly, enjoy every bite and believe that what you are eating is nourishing you in a healthful way. Giving into the odd craving is ok as long as you enjoy the food, not feel guilty about it. Doing this will reduce the chances of upset stomach, indigestion, acid reflux, etc., thus maximizing your body's absorption of nutrients. We were given a customized nutritional program (to make sure we got a good balance of nutrients) and her published book (with more tips on healthy food sources and recipes).  S and I adopted our new diet and eating habits easily... Knowing it will help me heal.  

My nutritional therapist (she was trained in many areas) also helped me to release grief. Interestingly, grief is held in the lungs. That is why you feel your chest or heart aching when you are emotionally distressed.  What I learned from that session: for every negative, there is a positive.  You can linger on all the negative aspects of an event or you can turn your thoughts around and focus on the positive changes/outcomes. Yes, my cancer diagnosis was devastating. But it forced me to learn so much about all aspects of my life. I am taking better care of myself (physically, emotionally, spiritually).  Cancer has brought us closer  to our family and friends.  The bond that S and I have is stronger than ever.  It made us realize that we should not take life for granted; Carpe Diem! (we are looking into getting that puppy we've been talking about for years:). There is now more peace in my life.  In fact, sometimes I don't feel like I have cancer at all.